Needle Ceremony with London Faerie: guest post by Jennie Rehbinder

While he was in Sweden Faerie was delighted to do a Play Piercing Ritual with Jennie Rehbinder, a marvellous sexuality teacher from Stockholm. This is her account of the experience.

London Faerie is such an amazing person! He is fun, got a quick mind and a big heart! And he is really genuine. When he offered to do a needle play healing ceremony with me I felt a BIG YES.

London Faerie started out by asking me about my intention and to be specific. My husband was invited to open the space and to participate as support. London Faerie and I were standing in front of each other and we breathed together. He asked me to make the intention statement four times in each direction. Oh boy, that was a strong opening!

I felt so much trust I just devoted myself completely! He breathed with me and grounded me, stayed in his heart all the way. He has a way of being and looking at you that makes you stay playful with what´s happening during the process. It was such a powerful thing going on, so much energy went through my body. I was standing up but many times it felt like I was going to leave my body flowing upwards, as he put one needle at a time into my skin.

Play Piercing Ritual with London Faerie

Image by Carl Rehbinder

I remember getting visions about what kind of energies I was releasing from my body – emotions stuck from when I was eleven and when I made decisions that has affected my life a lot. A lot of energies went up around my eyes (I´ve been wearing glasses and correcting lenses since I was eleven). I felt strong, beautiful, alive and certain that I deserve to live. I finally felt certain that I have the right to live as anyone else alive. Wow. Big thing for me.

I could feel life supporting me to live my full potential. Yay!

I was high as a kite once all the needles were in. They weren´t many at all, only six or seven, and still it made such a great impact on me! I remember London Faerie putting on trance-inducing music and I was moving and dancing and laughing.

In the end, as I was taking out the needles, I got nauseous. I felt I was going to faint and I wanted to puke (Maybe I did, I don´t remember). But I lay down and just relaxed and it all settled.

Gosh, what an amazing ceremony. Thank you London Faerie. LOVE/Jennie

Would you like to find out more about needle rituals and other bespoke sessions with Faerie? Click here!

Vibration and awareness

Often, when talking with New Age spiritual seekers I hear the phrase ‘low vibration’ used critically: usually to describe someone who isn’t very conscious or spiritually evolved. So I was taken aback when Avanti, the psychic life-coach I consult regularly, told me that I was very dense. I verified with her that this means I vibrated at a low frequency. ‘That doesn’t sound good,’ I replied, a little anxious that I wasn’t spiritual enough to do this work.

‘Not at all,’ she replied. ‘Think of it like a choir. You’re like a baritone and someone with a fine vibration is like a soprano. The choir needs them all to make a beautiful sound.’

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Perhaps I could cut the (spiritual) muster after all.

After that session with Avanti I dwelt on these ideas for some time. I knew that when New Age friends said someone had a low vibration (in that quietly scathing way) they were pinpointing something correctly; yet their choice of words was out of line with what Avanti had taught me. And then I got it! There are two different scales: vibration and awareness. These two scales exist on different axes, in a graph that looks like this:

Vibration and awareness chart

Often when people say someone has a low vibration, they mean that (s)he is not very aware. Perhaps they have a low vibration too, in which case they would plot somewhere like this:

Low vibration person

As I understand it, lower vibrations relate with being more physical and earthbound. So a person with a lower vibration might feel more solid to the touch and love earthly pleasures like sex and food. When less aware they will tend to excess: lustful, boozy, gluttonous and greedy.

But as they develop awareness, dense-vibrational people become wonderfully present, inhabiting their bodies and the physical world in a grounded, clear and confident way. They might take the role of a sexual healer or masseur, revealing the usefulness of their embodied awareness:

Embodied healer

From this I understand that there is nothing inherently better about a higher (or finer) vibration. Someone on a high vibration without much awareness is a classic ‘woo-woo’ spiritual type: totally connected ‘up there’ but not at all at peace on the physical plane. They’d probably plot on the chart here:

Woo-woo type

They will often be slight and wispy and be easily overwhelmed by things of the world. They might dismiss the world as less important than the spirit realms. They find dense people and intense physical sensation scary and difficult. In a sense they haven’t really been born yet: they are still so connected to the ethereal that they aren’t fully embodied.

By contrast a person with a high vibration who has developed awareness relates to the physical plane in its ephemerality. They know that we are here in this body for a short time and they enjoy their physicality as a pleasurable game. At their most aware they are the traditional ‘enlightened beings’ who remain connected with the higher realms while also thriving in the physical world. They might become a spiritual teacher and would feature on the chart here:

Spiritual teacher

There are of course many subtle nuances to this way of seeing and understanding people’s energetic frequency. Some people can move freely between different frequencies and bring the same awareness to different densities – Avanti is a case in point. What’s important is to make a distinction between frequency and awareness, and not to mistake a low vibration for a lack of awareness.

(Intellectual side note: I’m pretty sure that our notion that higher frequencies are better is a hangover from Christianity, where the angels and God are above, and the demons and the Devil are below. By contrast shamanism sees upper, middle and lower realms as part of the whole and prizes them all equally.)

In terms of personal growth the important thing is for each of us to become more aware of the frequency that is innate to us. I tried for some time to travel to upper realms and access psychic abilities but they simply didn’t come. After Avanti explained this idea of ‘healthy density’ to me, I realised that my intuition is more of an embodied ‘knowing’ than a psychic ‘seeing’. Since then its grown stronger and stronger, because I’m not trying to do something that my vibration doesn’t do naturally.

In gaining this acceptance I learnt that one of my gifts as a healer is to help high-vibrational people to inhabit their bodies more fully. I do this by simply being me: embodied and aware, conscious and dense. I can do this because I know and love this earthly realm well, and revel in being aware whilst being in my body.

Creating the Shadow Healing score

I was at Xplore in Berlin this summer, a wonderful festival of sexuality, dance, movement and personal growth. There I came across the term ‘score’ for the first time. This term, which comes from dance, describes the outline of what’s going to happen in a personal growth sequence. I loved this term used this way, so I’ve started using it to describe the Shadow Healing sequences I create with and for clients. In this post I’ll talk about how I devise Shadow Healing scores and why they help people to heal and transform.

Each score is unique, because each client is unique. At the start of a Healing session I talk with the client for a long time (usually an hour, sometimes more) to understand where they’re at and what they want to work through. During the first session this conversation goes very deep, to allow me to understand what traumas they’ve experienced. In this dialogue I put a particular focus on childhood and the first few sexual experiences the client had.

For those who worry that this is all a bit Freudian (“Tell me about your mother”) – well, in a way, it is. I do believe that our parents are our first role models, and in a way they’re our first lovers too. I don’t mean that we literally make love with them; rather, that the nature of the relationship we have with our parents determines how we approach love, sex and relationships when we grow up.

During this initial conversation I also use my intuition to sense how strong the client’s system is and how directly we can address their issues during the session? Sometimes it’s necessary to establish a baseline of love and trust between us before doing anything more intense – particularly for those who had their trust breached so early that they don’t have any imprint of trust and intimacy.

If I sense that this is what’s necessary, I start with a score that sounds basic but is actually very powerful. I might spend a whole session holding them in a space of unconditional love and invite them to express any feelings that arise for them. If this is the first time they’ve been given this type of attention, it can bring a lot to the surface – often nothing more is needed in the first session. In these cases I often use eye gazing, gentle holding and non-sexual conscious touch to let the client’s system know that I am a safe person they can open up to.

When the client is ready – whether that’s during the first session or a subsequent one – I develop different scores to enable healing and transformation. For example: if the client experienced mixed messages from their parents – love on the one hand, violence (or the threat of violence) on the other – I recreate this dynamic with them. I might do this by tying them up and stroking them tenderly in one moment, then slapping them hard in the next. By playing out that mixture of tenderness and aggression I take them back into the feelings they had as children, with the intention of releasing what got stuck there. This can often lead to a powerful emotional release: crying, shouting, sometimes even puking or pissing. I am rarely surprised by what arises, and I welcome it all. In that space I feel unconditional love and an unlimited amount of compassion.

Another example score: the client felt utterly smothered by their parents, so they push people away when they feel crowded or hemmed in. In this case I might wrap them up in cling film or bind them with straps or rope, then sit on top of them. I might say things their parents would’ve said – for example, “we love you but we don’t know what to do with your mood swings.” Again, the aim is to trigger the client into being back in that place, as this awakens the neural pathways where those memories are stored.

Once the client is deeply in that triggered place, and they’ve released a lot of what was stuck in their system, I do a process called ‘re-imprinting’. Often this is about agency: where they had no control as children, they are invited to ask for exactly what they need from this ideal parent. Apparently when a neural pathway is ignited and then a ‘new memory’ is established, the brain doesn’t know which is which: by offering them a new version of their childhood, we are effectively rewriting their history. It’s not that the old memory gets deleted, the two memories simply sit side by side – but if the person keeps accessing the new memory, the old one grows weaker and eventually dies off.

This process is fascinating, and I’m extremely grateful to Elena Tonetti for researching it and sharing her wisdom with the world.

Whatever score I feel is best for the client, I get full consent from them before we begin. This is of the utmost importance: for this work to be transformative, the client has to know that they’re safe and that they can escape if they need to. This is one of the ways in which these healing scores are different from the original traumatic event, and the main reason that people aren’t re-traumatised by this work. By negotiating consent thoroughly and ensuring that the client remains in choice with the work, we let their system know that this is healing and not a repeat of the original trauma.

In this work I always give the client a safeword. This allows them to say whatever they need to say during the session without me needing to check in. Often they need to tell their parents or first lovers how angry and hurt they are, and a safeword allows them to do that. If they say “Fuck you” I can carry on with the score; but if they say “Red” I know that they need me to stop and check in. This is another way in which the work triggers but does not retraumatise the client.

The word ‘score’ is appropriate because a Shadow Healing score provides a loose framework within which we can ‘dance’ and improvise. Often I don’t know how things will unfold once we start playing the score together. The score establishes what the client has consented to and where I’m trying to take them. This is the framework, and the rest is a dynamic process that arises in the moment. In this way there is a balance between safety and exploration, between the known and the unknown. And most importantly, the client always knows that they have agency to stop things if it all gets too much.

Each client is unique and each session is unique. When someone really wants to transform the traumas of the past I recommend a Shadow Healing journey, typically 3-5 sessions, where we work through things step by step. (You can read a beautiful account of one client’s journey here.) I don’t create the score for the whole journey at the outset, but rather allow things to unfold organically as we take the journey together. It’s like exploring: we establish where the client is and where they want to be, and then we begin to travel together. Each score is a roadmap for a section of the journey. Between sessions the client often travels further down the road on their own. So when they come for the next session we begin with talking again, we see what has arisen since the last session and we create a new score together.

Shadow Healing is a powerful process and it’s not for the faint-hearted! This is deep, intense work and it’s ideally suited to those who’ve already done some therapy and have a solid sense of self. It ‘reaches the places other healing processes cannot reach’, delving into the depths of the psyche to remove what is blocking the client from being fully alive and feeling that they are good enough.

Would you like to have a Shadow Healing session or begin a Shadow Healing journey with Faerie? Read more here >>

Needle Bliss: guest post by EMU

Recently Faerie had the pleasure of doing a Play Piercing Ritual with EMU, a wonderful sexuality professional from Germany. This is her account of the experience.

Just now as I’m sitting down and starting to write about my experience, again I get reconnected to this peacefulness. I’m smiling right now.

Play Piercing ritual with London Faerie

Image adapted from a photograph by Carl Johan Rehbinder

Faerie guided me throughout the whole session with the intention of getting to know the quality of my vulnerability better.

After only two needles I felt so much peace. Tears were running but mostly smiles and this deep feeling of peace. I was surprised since vulnerability is hard for me to allow and been seen with. Normally it’s connected with a lot of fear, pain and struggle. But not this time. With each needle I felt an invitation, inviting this topic of vulnerability through the needles into my life. Inviting Faerie and his presence, inviting people, inviting allowance.

At the end of the session i said: “I’m so happy… and it doesn’t happen very often that I use this term.”

Thank You Faerie for creating this beautiful space and guiding me through my journey. – EMU

Would you like to find out more about needle rituals and other bespoke sessions with Faerie? Click here!

The power of crying

During a recent Ecstatic BDSM session, my client cried very deeply. Afterwards she emailed me to ask these questions:

Why was I crying? Where is the pleasure there? Somewhere more deep?

This is a very interesting topic and this is what I wrote in response.

Your questions are really interesting. Each person is different in the way they respond, and it is only by exploring this more that you can find out how it is for you. I can however share my experience around crying and emotional release, and perhaps this will be helpful for you.

For many years I had a story around crying. It meant I was sad, and as a result I often resisted it. I couldn’t cry in front of other people, and yet when I saw an emotional movie I would often weep – particularly when I was alone.

When I do intense BDSM sessions as a receiver, I often need to go through ‘the edge of emotions and tears’ as you beautifully put it. And as you observed, on the other side of this there is a very special space. I find that often I need this release first, before I can sink deep into that special space.

Ecstatic BDSM with London Faerie

Image by Matt Christie

However I have also noticed that I am much freer to cry now, and I believe my experiences in BDSM have helped a lot with this. I let go of the story about crying being ‘negative’ or ‘sad’, and instead I just see it as energy moving through my system. I have learned that I run a lot of energy all the time, and sometimes it is overwhelming. Crying is an outlet to release this overflow, and I welcome it when it comes. I find that by allowing myself to cry whenever I need to, I quickly move back into the flow. Before I used to hold on and this would cause the energy to get stuck; and I’d need a big release (like a beating or watching a super-sad movie!) to move this stuck energy.

Sometimes it can be a bit strange – it is not uncommon these days for me to burst into tears on the Tube, or in a restaurant, and I still struggle with being this public about it. However the deeper I go into this work, the less I can stop it from happening. So instead I challenge my idea that it’s wrong to do this, and in doing so I release my shame around crying as well as allowing my energy to flow as it wants to.

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