Manifesto


Whole-Hearted Living
To become whole, you need to welcome everything that’s in you. This is what I call whole-hearted living.

The ultimate goal of my work is to welcome you home. Home isn’t a place outside of you. Home is the place you come back to when you welcome all of what’s in you.

Whole-hearted living isn’t easy. When we are in touch with more of ourselves, we feel more deeply. This means feeling everything fully: the pain as well as the pleasure.

Finding your Authentic Desire
A big part of my work is in helping you find your authentic desire. Discovering what you desire helps you find out what’s in you – particularly anything you haven’t made friends with yet.

There are two main reasons why exploring your sexuality is such a quick way to discover what’s in you:

1. sexual energy is life-force, so any part of your sexuality that isn’t expressed restricts how much life-force is available to you;

2. sexuality has been controlled and repressed by pretty much every culture in human history. Overcoming this repression is a hugely empowering and enlivening process.

People who love and accept their sexuality, however unusual it is, are sex-positive. Because sex-positive people enjoy and appreciate the diversity of their own sexuality, they stop judging others’ sexuality. So embracing your own unique sexuality is also a pathway to becoming a more tolerant and accepting person.

Enjoying your kinks
Exploring BDSM can help you on this path because it’s more heavily repressed than other aspects of sexuality. It’s a container for desires that are dark, challenging and taboo. If you have these desires inside, accepting and loving them is a quick way to come home to yourself.

If you’ve never wanted to explore BDSM, that’s great: for some people it simply isn’t interesting or appealing. But if you are either attracted to it or repelled by it, there’s something in you waiting to be expressed. Meeting this desire in a safe loving held space is a great way to find out what’s there.

Conscious relationships
Non-monogamy is rich territory for self-discovery because you have to make your own rules. In the process of learning what works for you and what doesn’t, you learn a lot about who you are.

This is not to say that we can’t learn just as much (or more) through monogamy. I always say that whichever relationship structure feels natural to you is the one to go for. They’re all tough when we really show up for our lover(s) and partner(s), so don’t make it more difficult for yourself by going against what feels right for you.

Out of the bedroom
There is something immensely powerful about bringing sexuality into group-space. Sharing a sex-positive space with other people is a tonic to shame and repression. You get to show your sexual selves to others and see theirs. It really is a beautiful thing and is often very healing in itself.

This doesn’t mean that you have to have group sex or do anything you don’t want to do. Sex-positive group-space is a place where you can show up with your desires and also maintain your boundaries. No-one should ever have to do what they don’t want to do.

Where does this take you?
The journey into your authentic desire brings you home to yourself. The more you love yourself, the more you’re capable of loving others. So ultimately ‘coming home’ means becoming a more tolerant, loving and compassionate person.

If you’re spiritually inclined, you’ll see that this is a spiritual path. After all, the goal of spiritual teachers, from Guatama Buddha through Jesus to Mother Amma, has been to help people live kinder, more compassionate lives.

If you’re not spiritual, you’ll recognise this work as deeply humanistic and life-enhancing. Since the journey is experiential and does not require you to adopt beliefs that you don’t agree with, you don’t have to worry. You won’t be preached at or given any dogma, but instead be invited into a space of openness and receptivity so you can experience the journey home for yourself.

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